An Ecua-Wedding

On Saturday, January 12, I went to Ibarra for my “cousin” Sandrita’s wedding with Olgar. I left Quito with my “brother” Luis Fernando, my “aunt” Pati, and “cousin” Roxanna at 9:30 am Saturday morning, and drove (yes, drove, no buses involved this time) the two hours to Ibarra with a 30 minute stop in Cayambe for Biscocho (a local cheese pastry) and yogurt. We arrived at noon just as the wedding was about to begin.

The wedding was a Catholic one. Upon entering, I have to admit that I was a little nervous about how long it would take, because there were chairs in front for the groom and bride to sit on (only 30 minutes). This was my first wedding with chairs. Well…one of my first weddings, period. Three to date. Pathetic? Interestingly, there were no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Instead, the parents sat/stood up front with them. I don’t know if this is typical for Catholic weddings, or if it is just an Ecua-tradition, but nevertheless, something I found peculiar. Furthermore, everyone there was family. I didn’t meet one person who was a friend. Reception included. That put a damper on my hopes of meeting a nice Ecuatoriana my age.

The reception took place at a beautiful hacienda on the outskirts of town. Upon arriving, I got a funny feeling like I was part of a drug cartel family celebration from the movies or something (a la the quincienera in “El Crimen del Padre Amaro). Imagine 20 cars rolling up to this sprawling hacienda and with about 50 Latinos (is that stereotypical?) standing around in their best suits and dresses. I don’t know, it was just an impression that struck me.

Lunch was delicious. We ate shrimp salad (with too much thousand island-ish dressing, but was nevertheless quite good), chicken stuffed with spinach, rice (of course), and vegetables. A good meal. Although the alcohol did not start to flow until after the cake. I was a little shocked. Plus, no wine or beer, only Johnny Walker Red Label on the rocks (the drink of choice at all ecua-special occasions). Ooh, almost forgot. The cake was incredible!!!!!!!

After cake, the dancing began, and we danced for about 2 hours to a DJ playing salsa, merengue, cumbia, regetón, reggae, bachata, and a mix of other genres as well. After 2 hours of dancing, the band showed up. A little late. But it was a Mariachi band; I wasn’t too thrilled. Mariachi music does not exactly lend itself nicely to dancing. They had great harmony though. Props for that.

The whole wedding thing got me thinking. I have a general fear of marriage. I think something about the “Till death do you part” scares me a bit. I jokingly would say this to my family and my bride-cousin, and they would all respond by saying something to the effect of: “that isn’t really true anymore.” And really, here in Ecuador, it isn’t. Men, and women to a lesser extent, don’t take their Ecua-vows very seriously. Men repeatedly cheat. Mariana, my host-mom, left her husband when she found out he had a second family. And the sad thing is that this is not uncommon in Ecuador. I have met Ecuadorian men who cannot understand why I would only want one girlfriend, and I have many Ecuadorian friends who are seeing multiple girls at the same time. On the coast, with men sometimes have 3, 4, or 5 wives.

So with all this in mind, I have to ask myself: what is the point of marriage? Currently, I have heard that 80% of marriages are ending in divorce! 80%! The odds are not good for this new couple. Many of these divorces are in marriages where the couple marry because the guy impregnates the girl (birth control is not very common in this Catholic country). So my cousin-bride has that going for her…I think. They have dated for seven years or so. But back to the other question. If 80% of marriages end in divorce, what is the point of marriage? Why get married? Is it any different from being a couple together? Is it done so that people can live together? Is done for the sex? So that they can move out of their parents’ house (men and women live with their parents until marriage)? If most men have every intention of cheating on their wives, why get married? Why take the vow of faithfulness until death? I don’t get it. Am I being too negative?

One other interesting factoid about Ecuadorian weddings. Anticipating their divorce in the future and leaving themselves with a backdoor to walk out, most Ecuadorians only get married through the government and not through the church. The government allows divorces. The church obviously does not. So if you only get married legally and not spiritually or religiously, it isn’t as permanent.

But overall, the wedding was a great event and a lot of fun. The families had a lot of fun together, the dancing was great, everyone seemed happy, and the food was tasty too.