Ecua-friends

This is a “coined” term that got a lot of positive feedback in my last post. Really it is only semi-coined. Here in Ecuador, we gringos add ecua to everything: ecua-isms, ecua-food, ecua-volley (Ecuas coined this one), ecua-beer, etc. We have a favorite phrase: “That is sooo Ecua!” But that is not why I titled this entry ecua-friends. Rather, they are something far more elusive than I had originally imagined. So in this post, I am looking for advice from all those who have successfully made friends abroad.

I came to Ecuador with a plan for making friends. Step one was to befriend my students, and step two was to integrate myself into my neighborhood through going to bars, coffee shops, and soccer games in the park. Unfortunately, I have not followed through on my plan.

I am still working on becoming friends with my students. But unlike Carleton, there is no on-campus housing or campus-life. So there is no chance to get to know students outside of class, making the professor-student barrier more difficult to overcome. I think I am starting to get close here, but my position offers an additional challenge. Since I teach 11 different classes, it is very difficult to get to know my students individually. On the flip side, once I do get to know them, it will be easier to be friends with them because I am not their full-time teacher. So, there is a large activation energy I need to get over, but once over the hump, I will in a better position than if I were a full-time teacher. I am still looking for that catalyst. (wow, my nerd factor just went way up.) I have started offering conversation tables on Wednesdays and Thursdays to give me an opportunity to talk with students on an informal level while helping them with English.

As for playing soccer in the neighborhood, I am discovering (actually affirming) that I am shy…well, sometimes. That may surprise some people, but especially in foreign countries and new places, I have a lot of trouble approaching people I don’t know all by my lonesome. If I have someone with me, it is always a lot easier. But without any gringo-guys nearby, and a host-brother who is always working, I have no one to go to the soccer games with. So, I get shy and timid, and subsequently beat myself up for not growing a pair. Any suggestions?

I should add one caveat, my problem is finding a group of friends and guy-friends. I am able to meet girls pretty easily (as an American, all I have to do is smile, flirt and attempt some Spanish). But that doesn’t work so well with guys…I think. But there is a serious gap in that masculine side of my life since there is only one other guy volunteer with WT in Quito. And one thing I really realized in my last years in college, is that it helps a lot to have friends who you can just joke with and not have to worry about any of that opposite-sex-friend sexual tension.

My social life is not lacking, because there are plenty of other Americans to hang out with, and I have managed to make one ecua-friend. But I am not here to talk English with Americans, I can do that in the US while living a much more comfortable life. I am here to learn Spanish and the Ecua-culture. So, my question is for those of you readers who have lived in another country: what did you do to make new friends and integrate yourself into the country and community? Please help.

Ciao,

Jeff